I've found a lot of humor in the news lately. It seems that several people have suffered from a dumbass-attack over the last couple of days.

First, we have John Allen Muhammed, one of the D.C. sniper suspects, firing his lawyers and requesting to represent himself. Yeah, that's an excellent idea. You know, lawyers have had years of schooling, training, studying, and on the job experience. That can't possibly compare to your COMPLETE INSANITY! What is this guy thinking?

Next up, we have Mr. Nathaniel Heatwole, a 20 year old college student who thought it would be a good idea to teach the government a lesson by stashing box cutters and other contraband items on various planes. What kind of mental misfire do you need to be suffering from before you think this is a good idea? Let's see, terrorists decide to crash some planes. In response, we completely obliterated any area that they had a remote chance of possibly living in. The government subsequently bans certain items from flights, including box cutters. Now this mental giant decides that, hey, you aren't trying hard enough, and I'm going to prove it. Great idea. I can just see that interrogation room now.... "Yeah, heheh, see, I got the box cutters on the plane. You guys suck! heheh!" And then the beatings begin. Way to go genius. I'm sure lots of people are now lining up to show you just how much pain your body can endure.

Not to be outdone, we have Kirk Jones, the man who decided it would be fun to float over Niagra Falls. No safety equipment, no announcement, not even a frickin' barrel. How did this guy's day start?
"Whatcha doin' today honey?"
"Well, I think I'll mow the lawn, maybe take out the trash, and, oh, I don't know, float over Niagra Falls."
"That's nice dear."

C'mon. Only one other person has survived that type of stunt, and even then it was completely unintentional. Some poor kid fell out of a boat, and by God's divine grace survived. There's no reason why this latest guy shouldn't be a puddle of guts downstream somewhere.

Lastly, we have poor Eric Alvarez. Evidently inspired by the outrageous antics of Mr. Jones, poor Eric suffered from a brain fart at the worst possible moment. You see, Eric decided it would be fun to 'surf' the top of the train he was riding in. Unfortunately, this brilliant idea came to him just as the train was about to enter a tunnel. Poor Eric's head hit the wall of the tunnel with a terrific smack, pulling him up off the train car and landing him behind the quickly exiting train. Before he was able to regain consciousness, his body was then overrun by the next train to pass through the tunnel, insuring his candidacy for a Darwin Award.

Was there something in the air over the last couple of days? What would inspire these people to such great leaps of lunacy? The world may never know.


Jade Mason